i'm a barbie girl in a zombie world...

it's 10 pm and you're now all fresh and cleaned up, wearing your silk like nighties, hair up and ready for bedtime. you tucked yourself in and have a feel of your pillows. after 5 minutes, you find yourself turning to your laptop... you've got 2 minutes to think if you're going to turn it on... and you tried to hold back.

but you just can't sleep... your mind is struggling between wanting to shut your eyes or keep it wide open... now you're thinking... and having a hard time sleeping... then you end up surfing the web... watching youtube videos... reading tweets... posting shouts on fb... like... comment... like... like... shout... chat...

indulgence... it's 4 am and you're still hooked up on the small screen...

when will sleep come to visit you... anna...

separation anxiety...

in the next two months, i'll be living all by myself. it made me feel so sad thinking that my two beautiful angels will be away from me. the once noisy house i used to live will be very quiet i guess... i'll be missing being awaken by their laughter... my niece coming over my room to wake me up... going home and receiving big hugs from the kids... eating together and talking a lot...

*sigh* so hard to being used to living with a family and now shifting to being with just myself... i hope they'll miss me too...

love sucks...

i hate to admit it but i am a sucker for love...
when i fall... i give all...
i drop flat on the ground...
i never win... always a failure...
when will i learn...
sigh... am a sucker for love...

suffer in silence...

there are words you want to express but it's just too difficult to say...

there are feelings you want to show but you prefer to hold back..

you wanted to believe there's something... but it saddens you when there's really none...

you always seek for companionship... for happiness... for love...

but emptiness is where you fall...

now you suffer in silence...

my remedy song ;)

Des'ree
Gotta Be
Big Sing 2008

Oooh, oooh, oooh, oooh, oooh, oooh, oooh, oooh

Listen as your day unfolds
Challenge what the future holds
Try and keep your head up to the sky
Others they may cause your tears
Go ahead release your fears
Stand up and be counted don't be shamed to cry

You gotta be, you gotta be bad
You gotta be bold, you gotta be wiser
You gotta be hard, you gotta be tough, you gotta be stronger
You gotta be cool, you gotta be calm, you gotta stay together
All I know, all I know love will save the day

Oooh, Oooh, Oooh, Oooh, Oooh, Oooh, love will save the day

Herald what your mother said
Read the books your father read
Try to solve the puzzles in your own sweet time
Some may have more cash than you
Others take a different view
My, oh, my, hey hey hey

You gotta be bad
You gotta be bold, you gotta be wiser
You gotta be hard, you gotta be tough, you gotta be stronger
You gotta be cool, you gotta be calm, you gotta stay together
All I know, all I know love will save the day

Time asks no questions it goes on without you
Leaving you behind if you can't stand the pace
The world keeps on spinning can't stop it if you tried to
The best part is danger staring you in the face
Whoa

You gotta be bad
You gotta be bold, you gotta be wiser
You gotta be hard, you gotta be tough, you gotta be stronger
You gotta be cool, you gotta be calm, you gotta stay together
All I know, all I know love will save the day


Listen as your day unfolds
Challenge what the future holds
Try and keep your head up to the sky
Others they may cause your tears
Go ahead release your fears
My, oh, my, hey, hey, hey

You gotta be bad
You gotta be bold, you gotta be wiser
You gotta be hard, you gotta be tough, you gotta be stronger
You gotta be cool, you gotta be calm, you gotta stay together
All I know, all I know love will save the day

You got to be bold, you got to be bad
You got to be wise, don't ever say it
You got to be hard, not too too hard
All I know is love will save the day

Love, love, love will save the day
Love, love, love will save the day
Love, love, love will save the day
Love, love, love will save the day

You gotta be bad
You gotta be bold, you gotta be wiser
You gotta be hard, you gotta be tough, you gotta be stronger
You gotta be cool, you gotta be calm, you gotta stay together
All I know, all I know love will save the day

You gotta be bad
You gotta be bold, you gotta be wiser
You gotta be hard, you gotta be tough, you gotta be stronger
You gotta be cool, you gotta be calm, you gotta stay together
All I know, all I know love will save...

The day

Oooh, oooh
Oooh, oooh, oooh oooh, oooh

aren't we just lovely ;-)

she's my bundle of joy... she never left me when i was depressed... she made me smile even in my saddest moments... she lighten up my darkest days... i really loved her though she's not my kid... but she's someone i can't get enough of... 

my little bora ;-)

my favorite lines from 500 days of summer

Rachel Hansen : "I know you think that she was the one, but I don't. I only think you're just remembering the good stuff... Next time you look back, I think you should look again."
______________________

Summer: I woke up one morning and I just knew.
Tom: Knew what?
Summer: What I was never sure of with you.
______________________

Tom: Look, we don't have to put a label on it. That's fine. I get it. But, you know, I just... I need some consistency.
Summer: I know.
Tom: I need to know that you're not gonna wake up in the morning and feel differently.
Summer: And I can't give you that. Nobody can.
______________________

Summer: I woke up one morning and I just knew.
Tom: Knew what?
Summer: What I was never sure of with you.
______________________

Summer: You weren't wrong, Tom. You were just wrong about me.
______________________

Rachel Hansen: Just because she's likes the same bizzaro crap you do doesn't mean she's your soul mate.
______________________

Tom: People don't realize this, but loneliness is underrated.
______________________

Tom: What happens when you fall in love?
Summer: You believe in that?
Tom: It's love, it's not Santa Claus.


*sigh* watched this movie on christmas day and new years day :-) and i cried... *sigh* my remedy movie, i guess hehehe

sweetest pain...

looking back at what happened to me made me realize that life is not always a bed of roses. not all drama we watched on tv are make-believe... it does happen in real life. the biggest drama in my life happened when my fiance called off the wedding! it was august 26... everything has been set... the date... venue... rings... favors... entourage... sponsors...






the effort... time... love... everything was put to waste...

four long years... not bad at all... never had a big fight... almost perfect... but the perfect times ended... in just a snap... happy thoughts turned to sad ones...

painful... devastating... my heart totally damaged... i thought i'll never recover... almost died...

but God has His way of saving me... saving me from a bigger problem and more painful experience. this is His way... painful yes... but it's the best way. His own sweetest way of making me realize how He loves me.

i am saved... this is the sweetest pain...

saved from the fires of hell...

I was supposed to get married today... Yes today, December 19, 2009. But it was called off, i got dumped! It was painful... Wickedly devastating, I was miserable... But then i thought... WHAT THE HECK?! I am totally free! And it feels good to be FREE! I imagined how my life's gonna be like to be with the person who's not really "the one". Surely it's gonna be like hell after tomorrow! WTF?!

Well... Thank God! I am saved... Saved from the fires of hell. The coming days will be heaven for me. I am better off single but not alone. :-)

Happiness! ;-)